Sunday, December 7, 2014
From "Beware the Mirror"
The health and restoration of your sin-sick, Narcissistic soul lies in looking to Jesus (Hebrews 12:2). It is not a better you that you need to see. You need to see Jesus and then bask in the amazing truth that the more you look to him and trust him, the more you will be conformed to his beautiful image (Romans 8:29) and that being in Christ you have received and will receive as a free gift (Romans 6:23) all that will make you most satisfied and most truly beautiful (Ephesians 1:3).
Thursday, August 14, 2014
If any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him, for you are worse than he thinks you to be. If he charges you falsely on some point, yet be satisfied, for if he knew you better he might change the accusation, and you would be no gainer by the correction. If you have your moral portrait painted and it is ugly, be satisfied, for it only needs a few blacker touches, and it would be still nearer the truth.
--Charles Haddon Spurgeon
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
A Pinky, I am
This Saturday, July 5, 2014, was supposed to be the day that would have changed my life completely. Sometimes being reminded of the past still stings a little, but overall, the point I am in my life today reveals how faithful and good God is. And I am so thankful that the Lord knows best and has directed my life different from what I had envisioned a year ago. I'm thankful for that time of pain. God helped me to recognize how sinful I truly am and how utterly incapable I am without Christ. When I realized how wicked my heart was with anger and pride, I knew it wasn't going to be easy to put those off. I was helpless and needed to fully depend on God for strength.
A couple weeks ago, I visited the orthopedic due to a jammed pinky that doesn't seem to be correcting itself. At first I didn't think it was a big deal because I've jammed my thumbs multiple times before. But a month passed by, and my pinky was starting to look more crooked, tender, and I still felt some pain. When the doctor examined my finger, he said that I had torn a ligament, and the reason it's so swollen is the scar tissues that have built around the ligament are protecting my finger from further getting damaged. It's all part of the healing process. He said to be patient...give it at least a couple months, and if I let my body do its job and don't do anymore to damage it, my finger will be fully restored. I just need to make sure I'm careful with my pinky in the future. I was given a different kind of splint called Buddy Loops that wrap around both my pinky and ring finger, to prevent the pinky from being tampered with. As I'm typing with 8 fingers, I'm reminded of how much I am like my pinky.
I, like the pinky, am fairly fragile. And when I'm broken, I hurt...a lot. Weeks may pass, and I don't feel like I'm recovering or looking any better; in fact, I look worse than when I was initially broken. Though the process of healing is long, uncomfortable, and not looking pretty, I must patiently know that the stages of my recovering results in full restoration. I have proper instruction on how to recover, and I also have my buddies and members of the body to support me through the healing process.
In my perfect world, there would be no pain, no conflict, no false promises - but like I said earlier, the Lord knows best. He sovereignly places everything in my life (both pleasant and painful) for my own good. I am blessed that I'm not in the middle of emotional/spiritual healing (just physical, pinky healing), but I thought I'd share this post as a reminder in the future for me to to also see it as a blessing when I am broken. God graciously grows us through those times. Praise Him.
Hebrews 12:11
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields othe peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Learning About Beauty
2013 was by far the most challenging year I've had to face. The most of that year was a failing relationship leading to a breakup that revealed so many of my insecurities and a very poor understanding of what true beauty is. When the relationship had ended, these recurring thoughts of "What is wrong with me? Why am I not attractive?" kept coming up. I felt defeated and helpless with trying to fulfill the standard of what "beauty" is: thin, has symmetrical features, has flawless skin, and is trendy/fashionable. And because my last two relationships ended due to similar reasons of their attraction towards me, I would have flashbacks of my childhood when I was super overweight and feeling so rejected by people. I came to the conclusion and belief that this is what every guy is looking for...a hot girl. And for a Christian guy to be looking for a godly but more importantly, hot girl. It felt so unfair; yet at the same time, I was trying to chase after the world by doing everything I can to meet its standard of beauty. Towards the end of the relationship and even post-breakup - I exercised rigorously, controlled what I ate, bought clothes/accessories to show how up to date I am with fashion. But no matter how hard I tried, it didn't seem good enough. And for most days, I still felt ugly. I couldn't stop though; if that's what it took to find my spouse, then I had to keep trying.
Last week, I met up with one of the wives/mom's at my church whom I consider to be my young mom here in San Diego. We don't meet up very often, but when we do, I'm always humbled and pointed to the truths of the word. Those times are greatly encouraging and absolutely refreshing. When she had asked how things have been since the breakup, I had shared with her the honest struggles and fears I have since I've dated. I let her know that (although there has been full reconciliation with both of the guys I had dated within the church) I felt like I won't ever be able to attract a guy because I couldn't meet the requirements and values that (I thought) all guys are looking for. I truly thought that my looks determined by future.
I had known for a while that I struggle with worldliness, especially when it comes to how I look, but it didn't occur to me until my "mom" pointed out that I'm basically asking to be pursued by the guys who care about worldly beauty if I continue to focus on those things. After she shared more with me on her marriage and how her husband never failed to make her feel beautiful (and not because of her looks), she told me that there truly are brothers who really look past outward appearances and the things that are fleeting. There are those who genuinely care about and value godly character. She also had to correct me that though I didn't feel beautiful, God perfectly created me and made me exactly the way I am. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And my focus needs to shift to what God finds pleasing in His eyes. She encouraged me to search through the word and really learn what beauty is, defined by God. It's only been a week, but I've already been reading and praying through the truths of beauty from the word and have found them to be both a rebuke and encouragement.
7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
-1 Samuel 16:7
9 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. -1 Timothy 2:9-10
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, -1 Peter 3:3-5
Proverbs 31:10-31
13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well. -Psalm 139:13-14
To know that God sees me, a filthy and wretched sinner, as beautiful in His eyes brings me to tears. I cannot believe I have put in so much time, thought, and money in trying to have control over my own "beauty" when God has absolutely no care about those things. But because He created me in His image, I am wonderfully made. And who am I to question His view of beauty? Though it's very early on in this battle between me and the lies that the world tells me, I am so thankful we have the word to guard and equip me to readily fight against the world's standard of beauty. Learning to be thankful for the way that He made me... to refrain from complaining and to even thank God when I weigh myself on the scale and see a couple more pounds than the last time I weighted myself, and when I see a giant zit on my face (it's already so hard!). Trying to cut off the time I spend on getting ready in the mornings and exercise. Trusting that my looks do not determine my future. Praying for God to help me to focus on the character qualities that He desires in my life.
Last week, I met up with one of the wives/mom's at my church whom I consider to be my young mom here in San Diego. We don't meet up very often, but when we do, I'm always humbled and pointed to the truths of the word. Those times are greatly encouraging and absolutely refreshing. When she had asked how things have been since the breakup, I had shared with her the honest struggles and fears I have since I've dated. I let her know that (although there has been full reconciliation with both of the guys I had dated within the church) I felt like I won't ever be able to attract a guy because I couldn't meet the requirements and values that (I thought) all guys are looking for. I truly thought that my looks determined by future.
I had known for a while that I struggle with worldliness, especially when it comes to how I look, but it didn't occur to me until my "mom" pointed out that I'm basically asking to be pursued by the guys who care about worldly beauty if I continue to focus on those things. After she shared more with me on her marriage and how her husband never failed to make her feel beautiful (and not because of her looks), she told me that there truly are brothers who really look past outward appearances and the things that are fleeting. There are those who genuinely care about and value godly character. She also had to correct me that though I didn't feel beautiful, God perfectly created me and made me exactly the way I am. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And my focus needs to shift to what God finds pleasing in His eyes. She encouraged me to search through the word and really learn what beauty is, defined by God. It's only been a week, but I've already been reading and praying through the truths of beauty from the word and have found them to be both a rebuke and encouragement.
7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
-1 Samuel 16:7
9 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. -1 Timothy 2:9-10
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, -1 Peter 3:3-5
Proverbs 31:10-31
13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well. -Psalm 139:13-14
“All of us, men and women, are affected by a world that idealizes youth and physical beauty. In such a world, it can feel as if our looks dictate our destiny. But that is not true. It is God who sovereignly rules over all men and women. He has determined our looks and our marital status.
We must shift our focus by fixing our trust not on our appearance or men’s expectations of beauty, but on God who directs our lives. Physical beauty does not have the last word and neither does a man’s ideal of beauty. God’s will determines all.”
~True Beauty, p. 88
To know that God sees me, a filthy and wretched sinner, as beautiful in His eyes brings me to tears. I cannot believe I have put in so much time, thought, and money in trying to have control over my own "beauty" when God has absolutely no care about those things. But because He created me in His image, I am wonderfully made. And who am I to question His view of beauty? Though it's very early on in this battle between me and the lies that the world tells me, I am so thankful we have the word to guard and equip me to readily fight against the world's standard of beauty. Learning to be thankful for the way that He made me... to refrain from complaining and to even thank God when I weigh myself on the scale and see a couple more pounds than the last time I weighted myself, and when I see a giant zit on my face (it's already so hard!). Trying to cut off the time I spend on getting ready in the mornings and exercise. Trusting that my looks do not determine my future. Praying for God to help me to focus on the character qualities that He desires in my life.
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