better than i deserve

i regret not having posted as frequently as i wanted to, but it's always a challenge for me to know what to write in here. i realized it's hard to write a post without making it so self-centered. that's a huge reason why i got rid of facebook...everything i did on facebook was revolved around me, and made my "friends" (and also myself at times) believe that i'm doing better than i really am. there's no room to be my raw self on facebook... all pictures, status updates, and comments that i put up are written to give off the impression that things are going really well. that i'm at my best.

well, in all honesty, i'm definitely not at my best.
i'm constantly shown the provisions that God has graced me with, yet i fail to still be content with how things are, leading to so many frustrations and fears about the future. it is so common for me to question God like this psalmist (Psalm 77: 7-9):

"Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable?

Has His steadfast love forever ceased?

Are His promises at an end for all time?

Has God forgotten to be gracious?

Has His anger shut up His compassion?"

Thank goodness that the psalm doesn't end there. His word yet again has replaced the anxiety and troubles in my heart with peace. The reason I sometimes feel like God's goodness has somehow disappeared is because I have failed to remember and meditate on God's attributes. I still have my moments of uncertainties if I can fully trust God with all my heart, but He always somehow brings me back to the truths of His character when I'm most faithless.

"I will remember the deeds of the Lord;

yes, I will remember your wonders of old.

I will ponder all your work,

and meditate on your mighty deeds.

Your way, Oh God, is holy.

What God is great like our God?

You are the God who works wonders;

you have made known your might among the peoples.

You with your arm redeemed your people,

the children of Jacob and Joseph"

Psalm 77: 11-15

i assure you, when you read the rest of this psalm, you'll be so comforted that there is NO ONE like our God. how can i forget His faithfulness and steadfast love when there is so much evidence throughout Scripture? things may not be going the way i want them to go, but that doesn't change who God is. i may not be at my best, but i know that i am doing better than i deserve.