better than i deserve

i regret not having posted as frequently as i wanted to, but it's always a challenge for me to know what to write in here. i realized it's hard to write a post without making it so self-centered. that's a huge reason why i got rid of facebook...everything i did on facebook was revolved around me, and made my "friends" (and also myself at times) believe that i'm doing better than i really am. there's no room to be my raw self on facebook... all pictures, status updates, and comments that i put up are written to give off the impression that things are going really well. that i'm at my best.

well, in all honesty, i'm definitely not at my best.
i'm constantly shown the provisions that God has graced me with, yet i fail to still be content with how things are, leading to so many frustrations and fears about the future. it is so common for me to question God like this psalmist (Psalm 77: 7-9):

"Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable?

Has His steadfast love forever ceased?

Are His promises at an end for all time?

Has God forgotten to be gracious?

Has His anger shut up His compassion?"

Thank goodness that the psalm doesn't end there. His word yet again has replaced the anxiety and troubles in my heart with peace. The reason I sometimes feel like God's goodness has somehow disappeared is because I have failed to remember and meditate on God's attributes. I still have my moments of uncertainties if I can fully trust God with all my heart, but He always somehow brings me back to the truths of His character when I'm most faithless.

"I will remember the deeds of the Lord;

yes, I will remember your wonders of old.

I will ponder all your work,

and meditate on your mighty deeds.

Your way, Oh God, is holy.

What God is great like our God?

You are the God who works wonders;

you have made known your might among the peoples.

You with your arm redeemed your people,

the children of Jacob and Joseph"

Psalm 77: 11-15

i assure you, when you read the rest of this psalm, you'll be so comforted that there is NO ONE like our God. how can i forget His faithfulness and steadfast love when there is so much evidence throughout Scripture? things may not be going the way i want them to go, but that doesn't change who God is. i may not be at my best, but i know that i am doing better than i deserve.

lately...

some things that have happened so far in 2011... a few trivial things, a few significant things, but all things that i want to remember:

• walked at my last graduation ever from UCSD from Warren College
  
• moved into a new apartment with best friend & 2 other dear friends
• adopted a dog that we named Sonny who has taught me the joys and realities of being a responsible caretaker
  
• got a full time job from Joseph Wong Design Associates thanks to a couple of my unnis who currently work there
  
• saw the perks and challenges in leading my first small group for Collegelife freshmen and sophomore gals, whom i've grown to love tremendously
• stepped down from College praise team and joined Sunday praise team, a ministry that has helped further my understanding of the importance of worshiping from the heart before focusing so much on performance.
• went on a Senior class cruise trip to Catalina & Ensenada. learned a lot about myself during my time there
• decided to be daring and got blunt bangs for the first time. was pretty happy with them, but will only be a once in a life kind of thing
  
• visited my baby sister in Pittsburgh, where she got to research at Carnegie Melon University for the summer. super proud of her & how she faced her fears of being independent for a long period of time
  
• found out that my sister is pregnant w/their first child ever...baby's due any moment now
• found out that my discipler is pregnant after a couple of years of challenges that she and her husband had to face
  
• found out that my senior year small group leader is pregnant w/their first child ever
• lots of pregnant people, i know...but it means a lot to me that God's blessing these particular people w/children =)
• found my new favorite place in san diego to chill, eat, and get some good reading done: Solana Beach!
  
• starting my own bridal hair & makeup business...currently in the making of business website and whatnot
  

i'll be home for christmas

there are only three days left of my LAST winter break evarrrrrrr.
so what have i been doing?

playing with friends...


celebrating the birth of Christ with my nearest and dearest...








witnessing my babygurl get proposed to & planning an engagement party for her & her fiance (yeah, no biggie)...




eating good food...and lots of it!




what an amazing blessing for one of my best friends to get engaged! i'm so eggcited yet sad at the same time. it's saddening to think that the trio is going to part ways once we all graduate. =( at least we have six more months to milk every moment of our senior year together. <3 congrats, mel! i love you!